С технологичният напредък безспорно получаваме все по-разнообразни възможности за комуникация: e-mail, IM, Skype, VoIP, blogging, social bookmarks & networking, etc. Не ни ли дистанцират всъщност? Поне понякога?
Regina Lynn, Sex Drive, Wired Magazine изказва мнение.
Ключова реплика: 😉
„It’s a broader version of „will cybersex replace physical sex?“ which is a variant of „will sex toys replace me?“
I occasionally receive e-mail asking me whether I’ve noticed that technology increases the distance between us, even though we think we use it to bring us closer together. It’s a broader version of „will cybersex replace physical sex?“ which is a variant of „will sex toys replace me?“
The answer to both those questions is „no.“ But the bigger picture, whether we’re allowing technology to weaken our relationships – not just with lovers, but with potential lovers – is not quite as easy to answer.
Here’s what John wrote last week:
I wondered if in all your talking with folks about this new age of cybersex and such, you don’t find that people seem more disconnected than in the past. It seems that we can now get connected and stay connected almost 24/7 in a very virtual manner, yet our ability to really communicate and be physically present with others seems to have diminished with all the new technology. It’s like we’re all running around as the proverbial chicken without a head.
Rest assured, I have no illusions about our potential for leaning too heavily on technology. And if I had, the Luddite would set me straight before I could even log into e-mail.
When it comes to connectivity, I’ve done it both ways.
I’ve gone through periods where I interact almost exclusively online. In recent years those times have mostly been intense writing binges, so I was grateful for the opportunity to interact at all. Otherwise, I’d have become a stereotype, freezing in the proverbial garret, completely isolated and probably hitting the bottle.
I also reach tech overload just like everyone else. Once in a while, I’ll go a month gritting my teeth every time I am forced to be at the computer. My stomach will knot up at the very thought of checking e-mail or looking something up on the internet.
But most of the time, I have learned how to stay balanced. I notice, now, when I’m seeing my hair stylist – or my dentist – more often than my closest friends. Or when I’m driving the 388 miles between my Los Angeles home and my San Francisco landing pad and I can’t stop texting long enough to get off the freeway to pee.
We feel like we’re riding a cultural roller coaster of remote communication and we have to hang on tight so we don’t spin out at the curves. But it’s an illusion. You can get off the train at any time.
The solution to the woe-is-us-we-are-replacing-physical-contact-with-technology problem is very, very simple: Go retro. It’s when you put down your cell phone and log off your computer that you realize just how many people don’t bother with the silly things.
Friends and family are still delighted to set you up on dates. That sounds horrible to me, but it is a classic way to meet people, popular before the internet and mobile dating services. So is joining a hiking group or taking a pottery class.
It’s entirely possible you will find love, sex and companionship in your immediate environment, and have no need to use anything more sophisticated than a car or bus to bridge the distance between you. It happened for your parents and grandparents, didn’t it?
If you’re coupled but feeling disconnected from your partner, you can always schedule sex more often. Set out the lube and any props you like to play with. Turn off everything with a switch and light a candle.
Our ability to communicate and be physically present with one another has not changed. You do not have to spend days e-mailing, IMing and texting before a first or second date, unless your date lives for e-wooing and you still think she’s a good match for you.
Nothing prevents us from getting together and focusing on one another except our own unwillingness to skip a television show or get a babysitter or be late to work. We don’t have to answer our phones just because they ring, and we don’t have to text other friends while we’re having lunch with one.
And if we’re feeling disconnected, isn’t it up to us to make the effort to reconnect? Someone has to be the first one to set down the phone.
We tend to do things that serve our wants in some way, like have an online affair to avoid an unhappy relationship or cruise Second Life for cybersex rather than risk rejection in a job search.
If we think we’re losing our ability to connect with each other in person, it’s probably because we’re doing it on purpose. Looking outward to Society At Large shifts the responsibility instead of addressing the problem. I’d look instead at what benefits we get from the technology we’re blaming for keeping us apart.
Maybe you tell yourself you’re searching for a life partner, but really you’re keeping people from getting too close so you can continue to play the field.
Or you love meeting new people and you feel bad that you’re using technology to communicate with your partner while hanging out with other people in person. Yet you can’t get too close to those other people because, after all, you’re already in a relationship.
I really see this „trend“ as a – wait for it – communications issue. Highly social people embrace all the various layers of technology to expand their social circles and keep in touch with as many as possible. A few close friends, a too-many-to-count number of friends and friends of friends.
When it comes to connectivity, these folks are the puppies in the tennis ball factory, although highly networked people can also let technology isolate them. (Tech lets you get so busy „touching base“ with everyone that you never make time to touch anyone’s bases.)
Those who prefer a smaller, tightly knit social group are overwhelmed by all the messages flying among the extroverts, and they scramble to keep up with multiple profiles in dating and networking sites if they even try to join. I suspect these are the folks who feel more strongly that the technology creates disconnect, especially when they’re trying to build relationships with the frenetically social.
I go through periods of feeling totally connected by technology and of feeling isolated by technology – sometimes in the same day. I depend on it for my medium-distance relationship to work, especially when I’m traveling. And I can also see how it makes me lazy on those occasions where I could drive the two-hour round trip to see the boyfriend and yet I choose to relax at home and use the phone instead.
But without all the options we have for „connectivity,“ I would never have met him. And I would have missed out on some of the most beautiful love affairs, the deepest friendships and the funniest IM buddies anyone has ever had in the history of the world.
And that much signal makes all the rest of the noise negligible.
See you next Friday,
Regina Lynn